Wednesday, June 8, 2011

MONDO CANE (A dog's world)

CLEAR-UP THE MESSAGE - Back in the fall of 2008 when Barack Obama won the American Presidential election, the kids got a dog - Named 'Bo' ( Back here, last month after a third try, when Stephen Harper won a clear majority in Parliament; the kids got a cat - Named 'Stanley'. I may need help sorting-out what this says about us.

THE POO-POO THAT YOU DOO-DOO - Spring's arrival in Canada's heavy populated southern regions is generally signaled by the return of obnoxious fumes and odors emitted by the thawing remains of five to seven months of dog droppings. They've been left to freeze to the snow and ice either through carelessness and/or (most likely) by semi-comatose frost bitten pet owners somewhat too anxious to return to the artificial warmth of their own indoors. As the globe's warming melts back the perma-frost of the Arctic tundra perhaps we should fear the stench awaiting from the eons of archaeological droppings which await there.

SNIFF YOUR OWN DAMN BUTT - In the USA, Bloomberg News reports that a dog trained to sniff-out colorectal cancer was almost as accurate as a colonoscopy. The un-named specially trained Labrador-Retriever (no doubt to protect it's identity) was 95% accurate as a colonoscopy when smelling breath samples; and 98% correct with stool samples. Okay! Enough about 'poo' - Still there may be something positive to be said about avoiding an invasive, humiliating and miserable exam where the "sun don't shine".

SCENTS ABILITY - Honest, I'm not making this up. There is a company called "Scents Ability" in Ottawa that hires-out a pooch, this one named "Buck" (doubtless one mean sucker) to sniff-out marijuana; heroin; methamphetamine; and cocaine. At $125 a pop; it's for the parent who has everything except trust in their teen aged kid and what they may hide in their jeans or bedroom. Has the world gone mad? Recent court decisions in Ontario have banned no-warrant searches by police dogs on school premises. Now the publicly funded school board can just call-in this nose for hire instead. Honestly, I'd rather my tax dollars be spent on education. Let's see if any of this stands-up in Court.

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